School's coming around the corner and there are lots of things my parents are concerned for, now that I'm an incoming Junior. I've had college talk and grades talk, which was okay with me, I've had talks regarding friends and pressure and whatnot, talks regarding my need to improve with the mathematics department, etc. But there is one topic where I'll always roll my eyes and fold my arms over my chest because Jesus Christ, it's so trivial and unimportant compared to college and Noli Me Tangere and Chemistry.
Prom. Bloody freaking prom.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter because I don't stand at 5'8 feet tall and weigh only 110 lbs. I'm not bitter that I don't have a flock of guys serenading me from the balcony of my house or who chase me as I walk through Eastwood aiming for Fully Booked. I'm not bitter or anxious or paranoid that this experience may be a flunk, that it may be a sinking mess in my Junior year. I'm not bitter at all! Trust me. I'm cool with prom. I'm cool with dresses and heels and looking pretty. I'm cool with being short and on the pudgy side, I'm cool with having a few guy friends and not a crowd of stalkers throwing roses at my feet.
I'm excited for the planning and the themes and the dress design with my mom. I'm excited for giggling with my friends about it. I'm excited for walking into the room with a date at my side who I feel comfortable with and not who I just handpicked because I needed a date.
I'm excited, yes. But I'll be excited at the right time.
For now, my main priority are the following: balancing my studies and my duty as the News Editor for the school publication, doing my reading on the subjects to get a good view on what I'm going to learn, trying to finish my book report due in June, and looking forward to finishing this summer on a good note. Perhaps end it with my friends, yes?
But I'm not looking forward to spending the remainder of May fretting over dress colors or weight gains or boys or themes or flowers or whatever. I'm not going to let myself fret over that and worry about how many pounds I'll have to shed off by February 2014. Because one, it's not yet time to worry about that. And two, because I'm better than that. I'm not someone who's going to shallowly throw her studies away just to window shop for glittering silver heels in Shangri-La or Greenbelt or wherever fancy mall here in the Philippines. I'm not someone who's going to starve herself just to make sure her dress fits perfectly.
I'll tell you what I am.
I'm a fantastic fifteen-year-old Junior who's got her mind set on college. I'm a student who's focused on getting great grades in Geometry and will do her best to improve her Filipino skills. I'm a young writer who wants to know what she truly wants to take up in college. I'm Arianne Maxine, and I'm not going to let prom be the center of my goddamn life.
And there's this other point.
Do I need a guy to be happy? Do I need a guy to keep my self confidence and self satisfaction up? Does a guy really have to be the source of my happiness? Do I want a guy to be the center of my life?
NO. I DON'T.
Then why do I hear people telling me, "You need to look good for a guy!" or "You need to be slimmer so you'll catch boys' attention!" What the hell. I heard that Junior year was supposed to be college prep, not let the males dominate your life and potentially destroy your chances of getting into your dream university. Well. That's what tends to happen, right?
And then there's the media telling me I need perfect baby smooth skin the color of sheen pears, that I need long, smooth and silky jet-black hair, that I need to get rid of my eyebags and have a ridiculous BMI to be considered good looking. That I need to dress like a female to even be considered female or feminine. Excuse me, media and even society. I'm not that fair skinned or have long hair or have a Barbie-like physique. I don't own the entire Forever 21 or Mango stock.
I don't need to please you, media-slash-society!
I please myself.
I like my hair short. I like my skin slightly tanned. I like my non-supermodel figure. I don't mind my eyebags, it proves I can go without sleep because I'm too busy working on something I'm truly passionate about. I like wearing jeans and button-down tops instead of skirts and tank tops. I'd rather wear my converse than wear a pair of glittery pink heels. I like it natural and don't like it when I've got make up caked on my face.
There are so many things that get me riled up just from the topic of prom. From unnecessary worrying to pleasing men just with the cut of my dress and the skinniness of my legs to the media's idea of what's beautiful and what's not, what you need to do to be 'sexy' and what you need to stop doing to be considered 'a goddess in the eyes of males'.
So.
Yes, I'll be going to prom with my short hair and my not so flashy dress and with a nice date who I'm comfortable with. I'll have fun and I'll remember the night because of how fun it was and I won't regret missing out on my studies just because I spent most of the school year shrieking about my hair and nails and the unfairness of shoe sizes.
Keep that in mind.
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