Peters’ Apartment
Seattle, WA
United States of America
June 2017
Aether and Tadashi sit as far away from the other as they
possibly can.
It’s a bit hard to keep away from the other inside Peters’ apartment;
while his is relatively larger than Mack’s cozier pad a couple of blocks down,
there isn’t as much space within his combined dining and living rooms unless
either of them would move to his bedroom. While Aether and Tadashi were good
friends with Peters, neither of them felt exactly comfortable doing that. That left
them in each other’s company, Aether making herself as small as possible on one
of the armchairs while Tadashi kept his eyes averted at the dining table.
Neither of them knew beforehand that the other was coming.
Peters had told Tadashi that Aether would have a date with Mathieu, while Mack assured
Aether that Tadashi would be visiting his younger sisters. Because of that, they
ended up where they were at the present: uncomfortably waiting for Peters and
Mack in the former’s apartment.
It had been at least a week, less than two weeks since their
argument. Aether didn’t want to think of it, and neither did Tadashi. For the
days leading up to that one, Aether merely kept herself busy at the office with
reports while Tadashi busied himself in other ways. There had been an instance
where both ran into each other in the middle of the day, and Aether was about
to say something before Tadashi merely brushed past her and muttered an ‘excuse
me’.
(Needless to say, Mack had to comfort Aether in her office
while Peters mustered all the energy he had to not yell at his two arguing
teammates to stop being immature. But he didn’t—not when Aether was in tears
and when Tadashi looked just as troubled.)
The wooden clock in the living room measures the increasing
silence. Aether contemplates leaving. She balls her fists, lets loose a shaky,
nervous breath. All she can think of his how she could simply get up and
formally apologize to end all tension between them, but she remembers how he
had brushed past her and Aether gulps, shuts her eyes.
She had talked to Mathieu about what had happened. Mathieu’s
expression fell and he had clearly been displeased at what happened, but
listened anyway until Aether stumbled over her own words and was clearly on the
verge of crying again. She knew that he took her side—Mathieu almost always
took her side—and he had done it again, resting her in his arms and letting her
cry her anxieties, her worries away.
The two of them only started talking right after. Mathieu’s
words were similar to Mack’s; in her mind, they blended together. The only
difference was that Mathieu had more to add.
“…I don’t know what Sato’s been through,” Mathieu admitted, “but
based on what you’ve told me, he’s gone through a great deal. I think it’s
possible that he doesn’t want you to go the same way. He doesn’t want anything
to happen to you. Believe me,” he added in a softer voice, one that was almost
wistful, “I wouldn’t—I wouldn’t want anything to happen to you, either.”
And that was it. Aether merely stayed quiet after that and
Mathieu kissed her forehead, gently asking if she wanted anything to eat after.
She had to admit that she had gone too far.
But she didn’t like how choked she felt, the way the walls
were closing in on her back during their argument. Tadashi had always been her
pillar of security, had always kept her stable, but the argument felt like
something else. And there it was again, the feeling that her efforts weren’t
enough for him. She tried, she sincerely tried to take care of herself, but it
was hard to strike a balance. It was hard.
Again, Mathieu’s voice. Mack’s weary tone.
Aether steals a glance at Peters’ dining room table. She
sees Tadashi there, almost turning away from her and at the same time, not
quite. For a moment, she thinks she sees him glance at her, almost as if
concerned, but she isn’t too sure. Another breath leaves her lips.
Her phone vibrates.
[From: Mack
you at pete’s? lol we’re caught in traffic]
[From: Aether
You didn’t tell me Tad would be here]
[From: Mack
oh]
[From: Mack
oh shit]
[From: Mack
yeah shit okay we’ll try to get there asap]
(There’s a nagging feeling that tells her that it had been
planned, but she ignores the thought for a moment.)
She hears a soft sigh comes from where Tadashi is and
glances up again. There’s a look on his face that he can’t describe, that she
can’t quite put to mind. It’s enough to send a ball of nervousness rolling in
her stomach; Aether bites her lip and looks down, tries not to overthink.
Apologize. You should
go apologize. You should suck it up, stand up, go to him, and apologize.
Her breath hitches.
But what if he hates
me? What if Tad doesn’t forgive me? He looks pissed off, I’m pissing him off, I
should have handled it better, should have apologized earlier,
Aether sinks further into the armchair and brings her hands
to her face, covers both her nose and mouth. There’s a cluster of thoughts
roaming in her head, emotions shoved down her throat and settling uneasy
inside, starting to rise and collect like an incoming storm. She hates it, she
sincerely hates it; it reminds her of what happened right after her argument
with Tadashi. All of a sudden she finds herself in one of the spare office rooms,
covering her ears and trembling from head to toe.
There’s Tadashi’s disappointed expression, there’s the argument,
there’s the fear rushing through her veins. There it is, swirling around her,
reminding her of what she could have done but didn’t do.
Her vision flickers at the edges, and Aether releases a
feeble noise.
She doesn’t know how long she’s trapped there, how long it
takes; there’s the fear and the tension getting to her, the possibility of
Tadashi leaving, the possibility of losing yet another—
“Aether?”
She squeaks and finds herself back in Peters’ apartment. There’s
a careful grip around her hands, her wrists, holding them gently and
reassuringly and it feels familiar, so familiar that she’s about to sob. Her form
trembles and she hears him sigh, so she flinches in response.
His hands let go. Aether prepares herself for the conflict.
She doesn’t expect a hug and finds herself wrapped in one
anyway. Her eyes widen. It takes her a moment to register that yes, it’s Tadashi and he’s hugging me. He’s actually hugging me.
“You looked like…” he stops soon after, instead hugging her
even tighter. Aether shuts her eyes and embraces him back, bites her lip to
stop herself from crying because she missed him, she missed her best friend,
she didn’t want to have an argument as nasty as that ever again. The one they
had back when she was in college was difficult enough.
Aether opens her mouth and the words leave easier than
expected. “I’m sorry, I overreacted, I should have listened but I didn’t—”
“No. Jesus, Aether, no.” They pull away from the embrace and
Tadashi focuses his eyes on Aether, sees the panic and fear in them. “No, I…I’m
sorry. I’m sorry. You’re right. I’m not your father—barely even a proper father
figure.” His hands take hers again and he squeezes gently. “I shouldn’t have…I
shouldn’t have doubted you. You’re younger than I am, but. I still shouldn’t
have doubted you.”
She bites her lip. The apology makes her feel better; it
takes a huge weight off her shoulders. Despite that, she shakes her head. “…you
were right. I don’t...” she considers her words, attempts at accepting them
before exhaling, “I don’t practice self-care that well. I know you want the
best for me, the best for the squad—that you don’t want anyone to get hurt. I know
you don’t want history to repeat itself, Tad, I…”
She can’t continue. There’s a brief flicker of sadness in
his eyes, but Tadashi visibly relaxes.
“Peters tried to get me to understand your side more.”
“Mack did the same for me.” They exchange hesitant smiles. Of
course the two would. Tadashi eyes the couch from the corner of his eye and
Aether notices; she gets off the armchair and tugs him to the couch, sitting
down after.
Warm. Safe. They were safe.
Aether cautiously leans against him and Tadashi lifts his
arm to wrap it around her. They pause and glance at each other, unsure of
whether they really were on good terms or not.
But she rests her head on his shoulder. He wraps his arm
around her and pulls her closer.
They were okay.
Nothing much had to be said after. Aether closes her eyes
and Tadashi’s free hand reaches for hers. They stay on the couch, holding hands
and resting against one another, content with the silence. It was enough.
“…the entire time, I was trying to see your side,” he
murmurs. Aether listens. “I was trying to see what Peters meant. And it only
hit me when I saw you hunched up and looking like you were trying to stop
yourself from crying.” Tadashi exhales. “You really…you really don’t want to
disappoint. And what I said made you feel like I was disappointed in you. I shouldn’t
have.”
She says nothing, only burrowing closer to him. He didn’t
need a spoken “yes” to know that he was right. Silence comes back and rests
easily with them.
“…I’m sorry, Tad.”
“I’m sorry too, Aether.”
--
Mack and Peters arrive a good fifteen, twenty minutes after
with pizza and drinks, ready to intervene and stage an intervention if needed.
They find Tadashi and Aether basking in each other’s
company. Aether has her head on his shoulder, while Tadashi’s arm finds home
wrapped around her. The two of them are quiet and in peace; whatever conflict
they had with one another looks like it had been ironed out. Judging by the
sound of faint breathing, it seemed that either—or both—had fallen asleep.
They switch relieved looks and tiptoe their way to Peters’
kitchen to keep from waking the two other people up.
No comments:
Post a Comment