Smile: On Im Seong-hui

i.

your smile is infectious. it always has been.

you smile as much as you can. you do it throughout your childhood until your pre-teens, then your pre-teens until your adulthood and whatcomes after.

you aren’t quite sure when smiling becomes a mask.

but it didn’t matter, did it? smiling was what you did best. your parents relied on you to keep your sisters happy, to shield them from harsh truths when needed. you smiled despite the odds. you put on a smile to perk them up when necessary. seong-won and seong-mi teased you for it constantly and mentioned that all the smiling made your dimples come out; teased that you would get laugh lines when you were older.

but they appreciated it, at least. you know this.

Doorway: A Coalesce Short (3/3)

(+1)

Tadashi doesn't know how to react upon seeing Aether for the first time in weeks.

Aether's bedroom is eerily dark. The curtains are drawn shut, lights switched off. Squinting his eyes in the dark, it takes him a moment to adjust until he manages to make out a figure lying on the bed. There's a quiet body under the blankets that remains unmoving despite his entrance. Provided that it was only Mathieu in the living room alongside a man whose name he remembers as Anthony, Tadashi finds that his worst fears are confirmed.

The scenario is too similar, as is the lighting and the mood. It nearly makes his chest constrict but he pushes the feeling down and swallows away the lump forming in his throat. The last thing Tadashi wanted to see was his worst assumptions, but there was nothing more he could do now that he was inside as well. He opens his mouth, tests the waters.

"...Aether?"

There's almost no response aside from the twitching of what he guesses is her leg. Pressing his lips together, he takes step after step forward, approaching the right side of the bed. It takes him a moment longer; the lack of light in the room makes it near impossible to properly navigate. The thought makes him wonder about Mathieu, and the feeling in his chest is only made even heavier.

Doorway: A Coalesce Short (2/3)

04.

Despite her numerous attempts to convince herself that she was ready, the truth is that Aether is not and would never be ready to bear Tadashi’s hurt.

But there she is, anyway, bearing it. “I’m sorry,” he croaks. “You—you weren’t supposed to see this, you weren’t…” He’s unable to finish his sentence as he buries his face into his hands once again, and Aether shushes him quietly. She rubs his back. It’s a continuous motion, one that she keeps up the more he crumbles beneath her touch. “You weren’t supposed to see this.”

“Shh.”

Tadashi keeps speaking about how Aether didn’t deserve to see him like this. She considers opening her mouth but keeps it shut, decides to listen as he purges every single nasty thing he had kept in for god-knows-how-long. He repeats certain phrases here and there. Aether catches the words “toxic” and “tired” and pieces them together. She learns about his unwillingness to be toxic, his desire to not have her—or anyone—tire of him. She wonders about how he had gotten that kind of mindset and who had even implanted those kinds of thoughts into his head in the first place, but again, she remains silent. Aether keeps silent as he admits fragmented truths, as he attempts to keep all the shards from spilling.

“I’ve been trying to get better.”

Doorway: A Coalesce Short (1/3)

01. 

The first time she meets him, Aether notices the weary look in his eyes and the way the first few buttons of his shirt remain undone. 

She nearly brings herself to pointing it out, but she finds herself distracted by the unkempt stubble on his jaw and the way he smells lightly of a previous night’s liquor. It’s a little unnerving, but Aether decides to take it. All she can think of is how desperately she needs to talk to someone, provided that the ‘someone’ isn’t part of the airport staff. She can’t help it. Aether’s an introvert, and she knows that well. After suffering more than nine hours in the sky and one hour attempting to navigate through Seattle-Tacoma, she finds that a conversation about anything but her flight would do her some good. 

Unfortunately, however, the first conversation concerns her flight. She forces a thin smile and responds with a tired voice. It was okay seemed to be the best answer for any query, from the in-flight entertainment to the food that had been served. Her companion—Tadashi, that’s what his name is—merely nods at her answers, and any hope that she would have literally any other conversation seems to extinguish itself from that point onwards. 

She doesn’t like the feeling. 

Aether attempts at starting conversation about anything else and tries to engage him about Seattle, about the airport, even about the car that they were riding on the way back to where she would be sleeping for the first couple of nights. She brings up certain details here and there, tries to compliment the interior of the car, attempts at asking about the picture of the pretty lady on the dashboard. Aether tries to talk to him about where she would be studying and does her best to ask him about the university she would attend for the time being, but Tadashi’s lips remain tightly shut. Her enthusiasm fizzles once more, and Aether finds herself mumbling a quiet “okay” as she resorts to glancing out the window. 

(From the corner of her eye, she spots him glancing at her with an apologetic look. Aether almost wants to believe that he’s sorry for not engaging in conversation. But then again, nine hours of tossing and turning in her seat with little to no sleep tended to cause one to see and imagine things that might have not been.) 

Primary Houses: Hufflepuff

090880: Birthday

"why are you so afraid, tadashi?"

Discussion: Touta vs. Tadashi

Good evening, mi loves! 💛

For tonight’s discussion, we’ll be discussing Touta Matsuda from the DNAU and Tadashi Sato from Coalesce. This is one comparison that I’ve been looking forward to for the longest time, considering that both characters (especially Tadashi) are very close to my heart. 

We’ll be going back to the source material for this one, so if you’re unfamiliar with Death Note’s canon, then I’ll be explaining quite a bit of it in the post! It’s pretty much needed if you want to understand how Touta’s shifted when it came to DNAU, and how Tadashi improved as a character come the time of Coalesce. As much as possible, don’t skip the background—it might be a little confusing to go in without really understanding who the original sourced character is. 

Without further ado, let’s start! Click the “read more” below if you’d like to keep going. 

"Let's go!" 

Coalesce Spread: Tadashi

Parental: A Coalesce Short (4/4)

Peters’ Apartment

Seattle, WA

United States of America

June 2017

Aether and Tadashi sit as far away from the other as they possibly can.

It’s a bit hard to keep away from the other inside Peters’ apartment; while his is relatively larger than Mack’s cozier pad a couple of blocks down, there isn’t as much space within his combined dining and living rooms unless either of them would move to his bedroom. While Aether and Tadashi were good friends with Peters, neither of them felt exactly comfortable doing that. That left them in each other’s company, Aether making herself as small as possible on one of the armchairs while Tadashi kept his eyes averted at the dining table.

Neither of them knew beforehand that the other was coming. Peters had told Tadashi that Aether would have a date with Mathieu, while Mack assured Aether that Tadashi would be visiting his younger sisters. Because of that, they ended up where they were at the present: uncomfortably waiting for Peters and Mack in the former’s apartment.

It had been at least a week, less than two weeks since their argument. Aether didn’t want to think of it, and neither did Tadashi. For the days leading up to that one, Aether merely kept herself busy at the office with reports while Tadashi busied himself in other ways. There had been an instance where both ran into each other in the middle of the day, and Aether was about to say something before Tadashi merely brushed past her and muttered an ‘excuse me’.

(Needless to say, Mack had to comfort Aether in her office while Peters mustered all the energy he had to not yell at his two arguing teammates to stop being immature. But he didn’t—not when Aether was in tears and when Tadashi looked just as troubled.)

Parental: A Coalesce Short (3/4)

Tadashi’s Apartment

Seattle, WA

United States of America

June 2017

While Samuel Peters was not normally the most patient kind of man, he knew when to shut up and listen when a co-worker was in distress. At least, that’s what he was doing at the moment—only nodding and humming in sympathy while Tadashi vented and vented. It had been happening for the past half-hour or so; since Peters had gotten there at Tadashi’s place with a box of takeout and the offer to do something productive like binge watch something or work on a report due the week after.

Apparently, ‘productive’ to Tadashi meant venting and letting his emotions fly free. This was something that Peters was not used to doing. Peters was used to being on the side of the venting; talking about his clashes with Aether, muttering angrily about how things had been back in Bronx. Typically, Tadashi would be on the other side, listening and offering words of wisdom that the American would find made much more sense than the irritation steaming in his head.

This time, things were going the other way around.

Peters wasn’t quite sure how to handle it.

Tadashi paced around his apartment, venting and shaking his head and speaking rapidly, quickly. In the midst of it, Peters could only cling on to a few words and phrases. Before he could speak up, Tadashi stopped in the middle of the living room and looked at Peters. “I’m not exaggerating, right?”

“Er—”

“I’m not exaggerating about Aether, right?”

“Uh.”

Gasoline: A Coalesce Graphic

Parental: A Coalesce Short (1/4)

Headquarters

Seattle, WA

The United States of America

June 2017

Peters and Mack didn’t know how the argument had escalated that badly.

All four members of Squad A were gathered in Aether’s office for debriefing purposes; after Aether had recounted the events of the day, Tadashi followed up with his usual spiel concerning their own personal safety. “Put yourselves first,” he reminded them. Throwing a glance in Aether’s direction, he continued: “We’re not going to get anything done if we don’t try and take care of ourselves. And that goes for all of us.”

“I can’t help but feel that you’re only targeting one of us,” Peters quipped. Tadashi said nothing; Mack tried not to look at Aether. The female merely glanced away and folded her arms over her chest. Looking unaffected was not one of her strengths; Mack could tell by the look in her eyes that she had gotten Tadashi’s message loud and clear. “So let’s address the elephant in the room—”

“No need.” Aether waved it off. Tadashi gave a frown and was about to speak up, to contest, but Aether carried on quickly. “I get it. I need to rest.”

“It’s not that simple, Aether,” he responded. The two of them looked at each other, Tadashi only looking more upset and Aether clearly trying not to get agitated. Peters muttered a yikes under his breath and Mack inhaled deeply. It was rare that the two ever got into arguments—if anything, the two who bickered the most were Aether and Peters, but a fight as serious as the storm that was brewing had last occurred long ago.

Yellow: A Coalesce Graphic

"where did all your yellow go?"

Idle Worship: A Coalesce Graphic

be sure to put your faith in something more.

Gone: A Coalesce Graphic

please come back to me.

Standstill: A Coalesce Short

Tadashi’s Apartment

Atlanta, GA

United States of America

December 2009

It happened again.

Tadashi couldn’t find the will to move from his current position. Lying curled up on the bed, he couldn’t help but wonder about the work he was already missing. A quick glance at his phone a few minutes before told him that he should have been at HQ ten minutes back. Despite this knowledge and despite knowing that his phone would buzz much later with messages and missed call from his co-workers, he couldn’t find the strength to move, the capability to do anything except lie in bed, drift in and out of sleep.

It was fine. It had been two days already. It was fine.

The bedroom was dark. The lights hadn’t been switched on for more than a day at that point; there was the running of the heater, but that was all. Silence was his only company, and he found that as sad as it seemed, it was exactly what he wanted. Silence was alright. Silence was enough. Silence was fine.

Dressed in some thick shirt and dark sweatpants, he could only roll over from time to time, sometimes glance up at the ceiling. Sometimes reach out, reach towards the ceiling as if there was something calling his name from above; all while this happened, he wouldn’t say anything, wouldn’t do anything else. Tadashi kept in bed, the sheets only half-covering his figure, with an arm outstretched as if wanting to chase for something that was no longer there.

He found himself doing that again. One hand reaching upwards, eyes trained on the ceiling. There was nothing there. There wasn’t anything to reach for. There was no one looking down at him. There was no one else in the room. There was no one else to wait for.

Grief: A Coalesce Teaser

Pleasantries: A Coalesce Short (1/2)

Aether’s Apartment

Atlanta, GA

United States of America

June 2016

It had been two months since Mathieu had come back to Atlanta. 

He and Aether were still on rocky terms; she treated him civilly, at least, but he could still see the pain in her eye whenever she had to look at him. She regarded him carefully, setting out a hot cup of coffee for him in the mornings and greeting him whenever she came home from work, but that was about it. At nights he would try to reach out to her in bed, but Aether would curl even further into herself, try to avoid any contact initiated by him. 

He hated it. Mathieu hated the coldness between them; it felt less like a relationship and more like some kind of acquaintanceship with them sharing a bed for two. Reaching out towards Aether ended up with her even moving further away. She had built walls to keep him out. As much as he wanted to call her out on it, deep down he knew that she wasn’t at fault. Not at all. It was something that Jin-ho advised him as well when he told the Korean what had happened a few days after; shaking his head, Jin-ho only told him to give it time. 

“You’re lucky that she decided to take you back.” He closed his eyes. Mathieu tried to avoid the dark circles under them. “Let her heal, Mathieu. See where things go from that point onwards.” 

Lately, however, Aether seemed to be reaching out on her own. She had stopped leaving much earlier than usual, staying in the kitchen and drinking her coffee while reading the news. His usual mug would be next to her. They wouldn’t exchange words, but Aether’s expression wouldn’t be as closed-off, not as cold as in the beginning. 

There was that, at least. Maybe Jin-ho was right; all Aether needed was time. 

Traditions: A Coalesce Short (2/2)

Headquarters

Atlanta, GA

United States of America

December 25, 2016

9:54 AM

“We better make this quick,” Peters groused. “I have a flight at 2PM and I definitely don’t want to be late like what happened last year.” 

“You weren’t late last year,” Aether told him, waving it off. Peters, in turn, gave her a look. “Calm down, Peters, you’ll make it—we’ll just have our usual brunch and then you can get to the airport. Who’s bringing you, anyway, and where are your things?” the male gestured outside the office, wherein his luggage was comfortably resting right by her office door. “And how long are you staying?” 

“Just until Friday. I’ll make it back for Mack’s birthday,” he promised. “I had to save my vacation days for this one. Surprisingly, a lot of HQ went back to see their family this year,” he pointed out. Aether nodded slowly. 

Both of them were in her office, waiting for Tadashi and Mack to arrive. It was one of their traditions; the squad met up in her office to exchange gifts, and would then celebrate nearby by having a brunch out. Peters would leave the earliest, as he had a flight to catch, while Aether would leave to spend the remainder of the day with Mathieu. Tadashi’s plans for Christmas depended on the availability of his sisters, while Mack was perfectly content staying in and gifting himself as much sleep as possible. 

Despite it being a holiday, they still caught some of the others catching up on work. Aether had passed by Ross, who wished her a Merry Christmas and explained that he had to pass something along to Forensics; Sol, on another hand, was busy finishing up a report that she had due on the very day. “It’s grueling,” she said with a weary smile. “But I’ll finish it.” 

And it was a pretty okay Christmas so far, Aether reflected. She and Mathieu woke up together, had a light breakfast, and agreed to meet after lunch so that they could go out and have a small date of their own. He was busy visiting Jin-ho and Tony in the former’s residences; most likely giving his gifts and picking up the ones from the Korean. 

“Merry Christmas! Or happy holidays, depending on your beliefs,” a voice came. Aether looked up to see Tadashi standing there with Mack behind him, the latter shaking his head as he ducked into the office. 

Admission: A TFLC Short

Atlanta, GA

United States of America

February 2017

When Aether had invited him out for coffee that day, he had expected for the rest of Squad A to be there as well. To his surprise, it was only her; Aether sheepishly explained that she wanted some time alone with him, which he was happy to give. After all, they hadn’t been able to have a one-on-one bonding time like that for quite a long time. If anything, Tadashi had to admit that he missed it. 

That was how both of them ended up there, Aether with her coffee and Tadashi with his tea. They talked of other matters aside from work. He asked if Mathieu was doing okay, and she asked if he had seen his sisters lately. After he told her how he and his two sisters had gone out, he noticed that Aether was only smiling into her cup, letting it sit in her grip as if to warm her hands. 

She didn’t look nervous, didn’t look scared or afraid or anything of the sort. Instead, the dark-haired female looked deep in thought. “Earth to Aether,” Tadashi joked. “You look a little out of it there. Are you alright?”

“I am, I am. Sorry,” she gave a short laugh, “I got lost there for a moment. Do you mind if I buy another slice of cake?” She gestured to her plate, indicating that she wanted more than a single slice. Tadashi nodded and she went off, returning a couple of moments later with yet another slice. 

The conversation between them went on from there. Before they knew it, the two of them were laughing about a movie they had spotted recently, talking about Aether possibly visiting England in the coming months and going back home. “Will you bring Mathieu along?” he asked after. Both of them were on their third slice of cake and second round of caffeinated drinks. “Take him to the orphanage and show him where you lived—all of that.”