Need: On Kang Jin-ho

Seattle, WA

November 2013

8:23 PM

“You really need to control yourself.” 

“I control myself just fine.” Jin-ho twists open the bottle with a pop and pours a small amount into his glass. “And it’s an after-work treat, Tony.” 

“I know.” The other man keeps a watchful eye on Jin-ho as he takes a small sip, “But I’m just reminding you that you need to control how much you drink.” Tony frowns upon seeing Jin-ho pour more into his glass, “Jin-ho.” 

“I’m telling you that it’s okay.” And it is. Jin-ho knows that it’s okay. He’s not a daily drinker, no; the last drink he had was only a few days ago and it was the same amount as he was drinking in the present. A glass or two of whiskey couldn’t hurt anybody, and it wasn’t as if he was going to leave he condo unit anyway. “I’m not leaving, not driving, not really doing anything except staying here and watching something until I fall asleep. It’s fine.” 

Tony presses his lips together. He believes in Jin-ho. “…if you say so.” 

It wasn’t like he needed the pick-me-up. 

No, it wasn’t really like that. Jin-ho likes how it helps his mind rest, relax, calm down at the end of the day. The wooziness was sometimes part of it, and that was okay so as long as he simply stayed indoors (occasionally under Tony’s watchful eye, other times with Matteo). Work was stressful at best, after all. He finds that tea didn’t help so much when it came to calming him down; coffee was out of the question. 

But with alcohol, he could manage to relax. Settle his nerves. 

That was all there is to it, really. 

Jin-ho spends the evening drinking in moderation. He offers Tony a glass, but the other declines, saying that he needed to drive back home and settle some matters. Jin-ho shrugs and turns his attention back to the television screen, glass firmly in hand. 

Tony leaves an hour after. Jin-ho is left alone in his apartment. 

He pours himself another glass. 

The wooziness hits him half an hour after, and that’s when he decides to go to bed. 

College had exposed Jin-ho to various liquors and substances. 

It wasn’t like he hadn’t known about them in high school; he’d knock back a beer or two and he’d catch his parents drinking fancy stuff like red wine and champagne during social gatherings. College was much more different, though; friends would drag him out during the weekends and push him to take a drink of this, to take a hit of that (under somewhat careful supervision). He never ended up liking the latter, but the former was more of his thing. 

He drank when necessary. It wasn’t unusual for students to let loose during breaks or weekends or during heavier, deadline-ridden weeks. Jin-ho drank with friends from time to time, grew to love a particular cocktail, learned about his limits and eventually discovered which type of alcohol he’d learn to resent for a majority of his life. 

There wasn’t so much a need, not really. Jin-ho didn’t think that it was the case. 

He liked the social interaction that was part of drinking; liked the laughter and the screeches, the way people would be more open about themselves an hour in. He himself liked how he got when under the influence. Jin-ho was never pushy, never aggressive; in fact, the confident exterior and charisma only seemed to be upped. He grew a little bolder, a little braver. All of this would lead to him getting along with considerably more people and then meeting new faces he’d build some sort of connection with. 

(It also led him to a couple of realizations about his personal orientation, but that was another story all together. Hye-rin makes fun of him about it until the present.) 

He didn’t need the hit. 

Not really. 

Definitely not. 

The following day is a Saturday. 

Jin-ho keeps his favorite whiskey inside the cupboard and spends the day scheduling meetings and catching up on work. 

Tony reminds him to take it easy. Theo does the same during the evening. 

Jin-ho doesn’t touch the bottle—


—at least, not until Tuesday.