Flutter: A Coalesce Short

Tadashi’s Apartment

Atlanta, GA

United States of America

August 2012

“So you finally did it,” Tadashi finally said. She nodded.

“I couldn’t stay anymore. I had to leave.” Aether took a sip from her mug, letting the peach object warm her hands just right. “I couldn’t…”

“Hey, hey. I don’t blame you.” The concern in Tadashi’s eyes remained as he offered her a small smile. “No one can blame you for choosing to cut it away. In the end, the only person that really matters is yourself.”

“I know.” Aether released a shaky laugh, “I wish I realized that sooner.”

It had been a day since Aether had cut it off with her previous boyfriend. Lysette had been pestering for her to cut it off for weeks, but the dark-haired girl refused and refused until she realized that she wasn’t feeling as much as she previously did. Aether tried to search for the feelings, but realized that she found herself drawn more to the memories than the actual person.

And that was the sign she needed.

She ended the relationship face-to-face. Asked for them to see each other in his dorm room, and when he asked if there was something wrong, Aether had hesitated before telling it straight: “I can’t do this anymore. I think we should break up.”

Aether had expected something—a larger, more emotional reaction. She braced herself for the pleading, the begging. For another chance.

But he had simply nodded, asked if it was what she really wanted. She didn’t hesitate in saying “yes”. He nodded again, said nothing more. Aether assumed that he knew that there was no chance of them being able to resolve things; he had hurt her too much and he knew that.

“I’m sorry.”

“No, Aether. Look at me.” and she did. He kept giving her that sad smile and lifted a hand to gently caress her cheek. “You deserve better than me. I had a feeling that things were going to end soon enough,” he admitted, “but I didn’t want to let go just yet. I thought that we could still fix it. But we can’t.”

She said nothing. There was nothing else but the feeling that she had made the right decision—and for once, she didn’t feel guilty about putting herself first.

“How do you feel?” she glanced up at Tadashi, saw him watching her. The concern was there, stronger if that was even possible. She realized that she had just been staring into her mug for the past two, three minutes, not saying anything at all.

“I’m alright.” She took another sip, “I think I’ll be okay, Tad.”

“If you say so,” he relented, soon rising from the dining chair and extending a hand. “You want more?”

“Please.” She handed it over and he took the mug, leaving without another word to get them more drinks. She couldn’t help but watch him silently, the Korean humming as he refilled their mugs with hot chocolate he had made for both of them. “Tad?”

“Yes?”

“Do you think I made the right choice? Or,” she cleared her throat, “was I stupid to take that long? Lysette kept telling me to do it for weeks and I didn’t because I thought it would get better, but…” she trailed off. He came back eventually and sat across her, pushing the mug across the table. Aether took it into her hands again, warming them up.

“I know you made the right choice. And no, you’re not stupid for taking long.” He met her gaze, “Those kinds of things usually take days, weeks to realize. I don’t blame you for taking long, and you shouldn’t beat yourself up over it.”

“I just wish I could have gotten out of it sooner, you know?” Tadashi nodded. “Not just for my sake, but…for his. So that we could have been spared the hurt.”

“I understand that, Aether. But what matters now is that it’s finished—and that nothing’s holding you back this time around. Believe me,” he chuckled, “you’ll be able to help yourself more now that the relationship is over.”

She gave him a small smile of her own. “I really, really hope so.” Tadashi left his chair and went to her, gently wrapping his arms around her and hugging her tightly. Aether tensed for a moment, her eyes widening.

“You’ll be okay. I promise.”

She stayed frozen until choking out a small laugh, unable to say anything else as she relaxed into his embrace. It felt right for a moment; it felt right to have someone who genuinely cared for her hold her tightly to him. She exhaled quietly, let herself be held and remained still.

For the first time in weeks, Aether felt—

Comfortable? Safe?

Oh shit—oh no.

Her cheeks flushed and she slowly untangled herself from Tadashi, who pulled away upon realizing that what was meant to be something friendly and comforting felt more of something on the other side of the spectrum. He couldn’t see her face but felt that if anything, she would be uncomfortable. Ears reddening, Tadashi merely gave her hair an awkward ruffle and he excused himself to go to the bathroom.

Upon hearing the door close and the lock click into place, she sunk back into the dining chair and felt her cheeks. They were warm, definitely warm, and her heart, while not exactly drumming, was beating faster than usual. A quick touch to the side of her neck confirmed this. “What the hell,” Aether whispered.

She didn’t know why her heart was beating faster or why she had suddenly gotten conscious during the embrace or why she felt herself blush.

But it felt right.

Aether’s fingers trembled as she removed them from her cheeks. She looked at them, saw that they were shaking. Tad’s my friend, she told herself, he’s one of my best friends, he’s my mentor, he…

Why did it feel right?

She thought of her previous boyfriend and thought of Tadashi. She found herself quietly realizing that the way Tadashi had been treating her was so, so much better than how her previous boyfriend did the past couple of months. Tadashi was kind—he was kind and gentle and she didn’t know what she would do without someone like him.

Aether bit her lip, nervously rubbed her hands. She didn’t know what to feel, how to feel. It somehow felt right and it scared her because this was her friend, this was Tadashi—

But the hug felt so, so different.

“Are you okay, Aether?”

She jumped. Tadashi was peering at her; she didn’t notice that he had already left the bathroom and had gone back to check up on her. “You look a little fidgety,” he told her, reaching out to rest a hand on her shoulder.

“I’m okay,” she managed, voice higher than normal. Her cheeks remained red. “I—do you mind if I go back to my place, I—I need to tell Lysette.” She stammered over her words and Tadashi nodded, though she could tell that the worried look was back in her eyes.

“Do you want me to walk you back—?”

“I’ll be okay!” she interrupted before standing abruptly. Aether stared at him, turning redder before rushing to the door and stumbling out. Tadashi looked on, bewildered and confused on why the other had suddenly changed in mood and demeanour.

Outside, Aether had managed to run back to her own door before slumping down and burying her face into her hands.

Do I like him?