Is this how it feels
when you have no muse?
Adrienne Free rubbed her eyes. The effect of the coffee was
starting to wear down on her – she needed another cup to get her energy back. In
front of her, situated on the neat wooden table, her laptop’s screen remained
blank. The word document stayed empty. And it irritated her.
“This sucks,” she whined. “I’m gonna get my ass kicked if I
don’t produce anything soon.” As she leaned back on the soft, cushioned chair,
she frowned and folded her arms over her chest.
It had been like that for the past few days. Pursuing a
Master’s Degree had taken its toll, and she found herself relying more on
coffee than ever. Funny how it reminded her of an old friend’s habits, she
mused, and smiled just a bit at the memory. Now, it was the weekend and Adri
had a bit of free time to herself…or so she hoped, she thought glumly. With an
oncoming storm, schedules would be thrown apart.
Including hers.
“D’you need more coffee?”
Adri looked up to see a pair of brown eyes staring at her.
Nodding quickly, she let the barista take away her cup and watched as she
walked off, then looking at the bar next. Her eye caught a figure.
“Ah –Elaine Rivers!” she called. The braided head barista
looked at her curiously, “Are you on break?”
“There’s no break,” the other deadpanned.
“You’re not even doing anything,” the girl sang. Elaine
merely looked at Adri, shrugged, and went out of her station, going directly to
Adri’s usual place.
Elaine knew that Adri was a frequent customer – she was
there weekly, and would always take the spot by the windows. She couldn’t blame
her. If she was a customer, she’d take the same spot, too.
And it was a nice spot. The right amount of light would pour
in and she’d be able to see everything outside – the nearby park, the people
who passed…it was a writer’s dream.
“What do you want, Adri?”
“I’m trying to get a muse,” she insisted. Elaine took a seat
across Adri, “I’m here – I’m free from college work and I’m trying to get my
muse back but I can’t and it sucks. You
know that feeling, right?”
“Maybe your brain just needs to rest,” the barista said. “You
just finished your term paper, after all. And you’re taking up your Masters.” She
pointed this out to the smaller girl, who grinned sheepishly and ran a hand
through her short, messy hair. “It’s like you want to kill your brain or
something.”
“Not true. But I do want to write…and you always have the
best prompts,” Adri told Elaine. “Help me out a bit, Rivs. I can’t just…stop,”
she finished rather lamely. “I’ve been waiting weeks for free time.”
Elaine thought for a moment. The barista came back with Adri’s
drink and she watched as Adri took a sip, her bleary eyes soon widening back to
its usual appearance. “…how about that guy?”
“Which guy?”
“You know. The guy you told me about a few weeks ago,” she
gave Adri a look, “The boy with the
white roses who you encountered in the cemetery.”
“Oh. Oh.” Adri
blinked, “…him?”
“Yes, that guy. What happened with him anyway?” the
discomfort in Adri’s eyes made Elaine frown. “Why was he in the cemetery?”
“I-I’m not sure if I should say,” the other stammered.
“Wait – you spoke to
him?”
“It’s nothing!” Adri squeaked. “Completely nothing!”
*****
Gabriel Ambroise remembered her all too well.
He had been there a few weeks before – three weeks or two,
he wasn’t so sure anymore. All he remembered was walking inside with his
bouquet of roses, eyes cast down as he walked the usual path to a familiar
gravestone.
He didn’t notice her at first. He didn’t quite notice things
anymore.
When he had reached the gravestone, he felt a tremor in the
ground. The sky above them rumbled with thunder. Gabriel found himself sitting,
flicking away the hair from his eyes and removing his glasses, tucking them
into the pocket of his coat.
“Am I late?” he mused quietly. He found himself in a sitting
position, just as he always would, and looked at the gravestone. He touched the
stone, feeling a cold smoothness under his fingers. “…I’m so sorry, Thea. I’m
sorry. I’m sorry.” He repeated this quietly, holding on and letting the flowers
remain next to him, seemingly forgotten.
I should have done
something
I should have done a n
y t h i n g
After six months, it still hurt.
Six months felt like nothing to Gabriel. It had been the
same routine each day. He would get up and live. Once a month, he would visit
that exact same spot with different flowers. The last time, he brought white
roses and left them there for her.
He remembered her and it hurt.
She was happy. She was lively.
Thea had been his life and joy, and now, she was gone.
“I wish I could talk to you again. I wish…” he didn’t
continue, pulling his hand away and staring dully at the gravestone. “…I wish I
could have helped you, Thea.”
Gabriel didn’t notice someone watching, or anyone being
there with him. So when he stood up and turned, he was surprised to see a girl
sitting on a bench a couple of feet away, scribbling on a notebook with her
eyes cast down. He jerked for his umbrella. The rain clouds were approaching.
The girl, who was dressed simply in a green top and dark
grey shorts, had a coat on but that was it. She had a notebook and was writing,
and Gabriel saw, as he approached, that she was using dark green ink.
“Sorry.” He cleared his throat, “But do you need help?”
The girl looked up. Her big brown eyes met his reddened blue
ones.
“Me?” the girl blinked, “I – it seems that you’re the one
who needs help, actually.” Gabriel cringed and the girl backtracked, her cheeks
flushing an embarrassed hue of red. “Oh God, I didn’t mean it that way, I just –
I was throwing your offer back at you because I thought you needed it more,”
she stammered out, “B-Because I saw you there,” she gestured at his late
beloved’s grave, “A-And you were there for some time so I thought you needed
more help than I do.”
The girl’s rambling hardly registered into his mind. The only
thing he got was him needing more help than she did.
As much as he hated to believe it, that was true.
“It’s going to rain soon,” he said curtly, ignoring her
previous statement. “I have an umbrella. I can walk you to where you’ll go
next.”
“That’s fine, I don’t need this–”
“Please.” He was close
to begging, and that surprised her, “Just…please. Let me help you. I have to
help you. If I don’t help, something might happen and I’ve had enough of that.”
Adrienne wondered if he was truly alright and wanted to ask,
desperately. But she saw the desperate look in his eyes and decided to let him
have what he wanted. She closed her notebook and tucked her pens back into her
paper bag, as well as the notebook. Gabriel watched as she stood up and noticed
that she was a couple of inches shorter than she seemed.
“…can you take me to that coffee shop ten minutes away?”
Gabriel clamped his lips together and nodded tightly,
shielding her with his umbrella.
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