Matt and A’s Home
Tokyo, Japan
July 2015
Tokyo, Japan
July 2015
“You keep exhausting yourself over work.”
“I can’t help it.” Green eyes gazed tiredly
at the screen of the laptop, “At this point, it’s practically part of the job
description to obsess over work and take it home.” Matt gave a quiet sigh and
squeezed her shoulder; A bit her lip. “Sorry…I know you wanted to go out today
and watch a movie, but the report can’t wait and Touta needs it by tomorrow so
he can present on Monday,” she rambled.
Matt pressed a kiss against the woman’s
temple. “Don’t worry about it. We can always move our date to next week.”
“Not tomorrow?”
“You’re going to be tired tomorrow,” he
said gently. “It’s already eleven, A. Knowing you, you’re going to end up
waking up early because of work stress.” She looked away and Matt then
proceeded to ruffle her hair. “Don’t stress on it too much, alright? Get that
done and come to bed. Can’t afford to have my girl miss out on some cuddling.”
That made her smile a bit and she nodded, going back to her typing quickly.
Matt watched for a few more seconds before leaving, kicking off his shoes and
taking his place on the left side of the bed.
Taking out his phone, Matt watched her
occasionally while texting. Kenichi updated him on the week’s plans (another
goddamn meeting with Sakahibara, when were they going to give up?) and what
they had to accomplish. Kenichi eventually ended the conversation, asking for
him to send his greetings to his girlfriend.
A little past midnight, he heard her shut
down the laptop and close it with a tired sigh. His ears perked, “Are you
finished?”
“Finished and exhausted.” A mumbled. The
ginger watched as she got up, soon walking to the bed with a defeated
expression on her face. “I’m tired.”
“Do you want to sleep early tonight?” he
offered. “We can skip out. I’m fine with that.”
“Do you mind?”
“Not at all. What’s wrong?” A stayed quiet
and climbed into the bed, “Did something happen at HQ? Something go wrong?”
“It’s just an energy crash.” She slid under
the covers and pulled them over her head, Matt watching with a semi-worried
expression. “Another…another crash. I’ll be alright.”
“No, you won’t.” Slowly, he lifted the
covers and saw A curled up into herself. Matt brushed away the loose strands
away from her face. “You won’t really be okay unless you tell me what’s going
on. What’s wrong?”
“Stupid emotions,” A murmured. She clung
tighter to the pillow in her arms, “It must just be me. You know. Closer to
Aunt Flo’s visit,” she joked. Matt made a face and poked her forehead.
“Don’t try to push it away, love.”
A exhaled. “It isn’t much. I just have my
doubts and all that shit. It’s nothing for you to worry about.”
“Doubts?”
“Mhm.”
“Come out of there,” he sighed. A thought
of resisting at first, but eventually relented and settled into Matt’s arms.
The Englishwoman didn’t speak – she kept silent, merely looking at her knees
and twiddling her fingers while Matt wrapped his arms around her. “Do you want
to talk about it?”
“I’m not sure if it’s worth talking about,”
she admitted. “It’s really small, I promise.” Matt frowned yet gave a hum of
his own, reverting back to silence and letting A grow comfortable in his arms.
Five minutes passed, then ten. The silence
made him wonder if she had ended up falling asleep; to his surprise, however, A
began to talk right before he was going to lay her down on the bed once more.
“I doubt myself sometimes,” she started.
She shifted, prompting him to help her sit up and turn to face him. “I really
do. It just happens.”
“Has it been happening lately?”
“…recently.” She looked down at her hands,
“They keep me up.”
“Even after we–”
“Even after,” she interrupted hastily,
turning pink. “I just…look like I’m sleeping because my eyes are closed and I
don’t move around a lot. Physically, it seems like I’m resting comfortably and
sleeping normally. But in my head, I’m active. I’m active with really – er –
doubting thoughts.”
“…what do you doubt?”
A couldn’t find it in herself to look at
him. “Me. Of course. I doubt myself, I doubt whether I’m fit for the
police…it’s a lot of shitty combinations. I don’t know. I doubt if I’m even fit
to be in a relationship sometimes,” she told him, giving a weak laugh. “God.
It’s really petty. I’m not even sure why I’m letting myself tell you this.”
“Because I am the most convincing person
alive,” Matt winked. A made a face and the ginger smiled, but felt it slide off
his face when the look in her eyes went from amused to mildly upset. “Hey…why
does it happen?”
“I don’t – I don’t know, okay?” she exhaled,
“I was never really the kind of person who was self-assured or shit. Confident,
fine. I can speak in front of crowds and play piano in front of hundreds. But
when it comes to the self…” she trailed off.
Matt found himself understanding.
“I’m just – I’ve just been doubting lately
if my choice to work in HQ was good.” She turned her head and glanced at the
laptop, “Look. Mack has his forensic science business in the other floor,
Peters is busy rounding up drug busts, and Touta is the big brother everyone
can run to. He’s like the mom of the office. They all have their own redeemable
and unique skills in HQ, and I…”
A fell silent.
“You don’t know what yours is,” Matt
prompted. “What your special skill is when it comes to the investigations.”
“Yes,” she sighed. “Mack’s the science guy,
Peters is the guns guy and Touta is the empathy guy. All three of them – they
can be a unit on their own, I – I don’t even know what I’m doing there – why I
was even made Squad Head in the first place, I…I don’t know.”
Matt’s eyes softened when he saw her hide
her face into her hands. “And then there’s us – and – shit.”
“You’re far too young to be having this
kind of crisis,” he humored. “You got it faster than Kenichi did.”
“Kenichi knows what he’s good at,” A
mumbled. “He’s the Golden Boy, the CEO. You’re the Right Hand. You’re the – the
Right Hand and the Mouthpiece or whatever he calls you.”
“And you don’t believe yourself to have
anything?”
A sighed. “I must have one. But I don’t
even see it.”
“You don’t see it,” he repeated slowly. “At
all?”
“At all.” A’s hands fell from her face and
her form slumped. There was something about her that made her look even more
exhausted than usual; whether it was the way her hair was styled (up in a messy
bun) or how the bags under her eyes were more prevalent, Matt couldn’t exactly
pinpoint.
But she was tired.
That, he knew very well.
She was tired and doubting and Matt felt
some kind of sadness.
“You’re still young, A. You shouldn’t be
dwelling over these things.” Matt took her hand and squeezed gently, “You were
made Squad Head for a reason. You were brought to HQ – to Tokyo – for a reason.
You practically lead three grown men. That should at least be something you
should be proud of.”
“I’m a babysitter,” she commented dryly.
Matt snorted.
“More than that. Maybe you can’t see it now
or you’re too focused on what others have.” He shrugged, “So maybe Mack has the
details aced, Peters has his guns – metaphorical and literal – and then Touta
has his way of connecting with people. But you’ve got something else.” He poked
her nose, “Don’t doubt me when I say that you’ve got the heart.”
“The heart?”
“Mhm.” Matt’s hand went from her face to
her chest, laying his hand slowly over where her heart was supposed to be. “You’ve
got the drive and the passion for it. And that’s just as important as any other
quality the rest of Squad A has got.”
She still looked hesitant. Matt sighed and
kissed her forehead.
“There’s a reason why it’s Squad A and not Squad whatever other letter of
the alphabet. Know that.”
“I will,” she answered quietly. Gently
pushing her down again, Matt watched as she looked up at him with curious eyes.
“And A?”
“...yes?”
No comments:
Post a Comment